Did I watch a match at the pre-show? Nope.
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Randy Orton And Riddle vs AJ Styles And Omos For The RAW Tag Team Championship.
I was probably the only two or five people on this planet that wasn't a fan of the whole "RKBRO" duo.
And while the opening match wasn't the most exciting of the bunch, the right outcome did happen by crowning new tag team champions.
The win was all thanks to an RKO from Randal to AJ Styles.
Eva Marie vs Alexa Bliss.
Talk about a skippable match. Bliss wins with the DDT to which Doudrop humiliates Eva Marie by announcing Marie as the loser of the match.
Maybe she finally ditches that stupid name and calls herself as Piper Niven once again? I'm expecting too much from WWE, aren't I?
WWE 2K22 has its official release window in March of next year.
2K is giving Visual Concepts all the time in the world to deliver a game that is, ya know, playable. They're not rushing to its annual fall release date and if the rumours of the game "being fantastic" is true (click here to read more of that), next year's instalment looks promising.
Damian Priest vs Sheamus For The United States Championship.
In this match, Corey Graves assumed that Bryon Saxton was pushed inside a locker.
BE A STAR, EVERYBODY!
Sarcasm aside, this was simply a good match. By that point, Summerslam became the night of new champions as Priest nailed Sheamus with the reckoning to become the first-ever US champion.
Just like the tag team championship earlier, this was the right outcome.
Rey And Dominik Mysterio vs The Usos For The SmackDown Tag Team Championship.
Rey Mysterio kicked out of a Uso splash but he didn't kick out of the second Uso splash on his back.
The mini streak of new champions ends here with The Usos retaining the championship.
This match could've been a lot better than what I've seen considering the people in this bout. It's not terrible by all means.
To put it minimally, it was a bit disappointing.
Bianca Belair vs Sasha Banks For The SmackDown Women's Championship.
Banks isn't the match so she was replaced by Carmella who's then replaced by the returning Becky Lynch.
This match was a total squash and you cannot get more disappointing than that. What in Joe Pesci's universe did I just watch? Talk about a terrible booking decision.
I shouldn't be sh*tting on this given that I'm happy to see Becky. Y'all didn't give these women 5 minutes? 10 minutes? FIFTEEN F**KING MINUTES??
A very Kofi/Brock Lesnar esque finish. The disrespect towards Bianca Belair's whole ora is so frustrating as a viewer.
Becky's return should've been handled a lot better than what I've seen here.
Jinder Mahal vs Drew McIntyre.
A match I didn't give two micro SD cards about thanks to its disengaging storytelling going into this match.
And the match was nothing special either. The Scotsmen wins with the claymore kick.
Nikki A.S.H vs Rhea Ripley vs Charlotte Flair For The RAW Women's Championship.
Who would've thought that a match that I was least looking forward to, had the best match of the evening?.
One of the most engaging moments of the match was the brutal back and forth between Rhea Ripley and Charlotte Flair.
Thanks to the almighty figure 8, Charlotte Flair is now the 12-time women's champion. Well, I guess Nikki's cash-in was one big meaningless anime like filler arc, am I right?
Edge vs Seth Rollins.
That brood entrance from Edge was, no pun intended, fire.
This was a decent affair between those two men. Throughout the match, Seth was like, "GIMME YA NECK!"
Seth Rollins kicked out of the spear but the former 2-time universal champion didn't survive a sleeper hold from the Rated R superstar. Don't know where both guys go from here but as the cliche saying goes, It should be interesting.
Xavier Woods sprayed John Morrison and The Miz with a water gun of some sort aka one big advertisement.
Bobby Lashley vs Goldberg For The WWE Championship.
Goldberg's leg gave up on him and that's how the match ended. Oh, and Lashley relentlessly damaged Goldberg's leg and gave Goldberg's kid the hurt lock.
At least, the Almighty walked out of the arena still the WWE champion but based on the ending, the feud does not end from here.
And all I can say is, NOOOOOOOOOO!
Roman Reigns vs John Cena For The Universal Championship.
The main event encounter started off slow but it picked up pretty nicely.
For a guy that hasn't wrestled a main event level bout in over two years, Cena held himself well here.
Unfortunately for Johnny boy, he lost to Roman Reigns with the spear.
The surprises just keep on coming as Brock Lesnar made his return looking like he's going to Valhalla.
Since Heyman is with Roman, the storytelling for this rivalry got a lot more intriguing.
So, to recap for all of you slow mofos.
Like: Nikki A.S.H vs Rhea Ripley vs Charlotte Flair, Damian Priest vs Sheamus.
Didn't like: Becky's squash win over Bianca Belair, Nikki's arc was deemed meaningless in the end, a disappointing Smackdown tag team championship encounter.