I, as usual, had an expectation for this program that was lower than Pluto Nash's box office records.
However, coming out of watching the go-home show for Hell In A Cell, I was extremely surprised by how inoffensive this episode was for the most part.
Images via WWE.com
The show opened with the usual hoekie shite from Alexa Bliss. Nia Jax showed up at her playground and Jax challenged her to a match.
And, the match happened later in the night and it ended with the worst-selling of a DDT I've ever seen by Jax followed by the twisted Bliss but Reginald interfered in Alexa's pin and that's how Bliss won the match (That entire match got me shouting, "BOOOOOOOOOOO!").
I'm all for professional wrestling embracing the scripted nature of the industry because the creative liberties that the business has as a result of embracing the scripted nature of the industry are high.
This is why part of me respects what WWE is trying to do with Alexa Bliss.
The cinematic matches are great examples of that.
But, that doesn't mean all of the creatively produced things they put out there are, you know, GOODUH!
The worst part about all of this is that they legit lead to endless disappointment, to say the least
Charlotte Flair vs Nikki Cross.
The match was aight. Flair showed some aggression and it didn't amount to anything as the queen lost a match get again via a count-out because Flair was posing to Rhea Ripley.
After that odd writing decision happened, Charlotte kicked Nikki Cross which was followed by the riptide from the RAW women's champion.
This entire build was Charlotte Flair consistently losing even though the feud involves the women's championship.
I will be surprised if WWE has Charlotte win the title at Hell In A Cell because that's how you build your number one contender.
Lose, lose, lose then win the gold. I wish life was this way but I don't make the rules.
Jeff Hardy vs John Morrison.
Morrison pulled the "drip stick" or as I like to call it, the Karen spray. Cooool!
Also, with the announcement of a new Avatar movie tie in-game and seeing this match up, it definitely feels like I'm in the late 2000s all over again.
Morrison wins with the starship pain. Moments later, Jeff Hardy faced off Cedric Alexander and if Hardy loses then he's retired.
Obviously, with a big stipulation like that, there's no way in Jahannam that Hardy was going to lose there. And I was right.
I'll give WWE a bit of kudos for adding some kind of stakes in their storytelling.
Eva Marie vs Naomi.
Eva Marie did not, in fact, wrestle in this bout. Instead, she led the debuting Piper Nevin to do her job and Piper made Marie's mission to be accomplished.
I love the fact that WWE pulled a "Fox X-Men universe" trope in that what happened before or what happened in their narrative doesn't exist.
Like, the last time I checked, NXT UK is part of the WWE canon.
With that aside, I do like what they're trying to build for Eva Marie. This is a quick, minimal way to elevate a heel character that doesn't feel lazy or uninspired.
In other words, "YOU LIKE EVA MARIE NOW!? PFFFT, HYPOCRITE!"
The two blondes in Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke had some words with the current women's tag team champions that led to a brawl.
Tamina's dialogue has gotten a little bit better? I think I need to get checked out.
Rhea Ripley vs Asuka.
A decent encounter. Ripley won the match and she was attacked by Charlotte Flair. The fighting between those two women was ended by multiple WWE officials. I’m hoping that aggression leads to all-out destruction in their match this Sunday.
Elias vs Jaxson Ryker.
Apparently, there are reports going around that WWE is planning to make Jaxson Ryker a good guy.
I don't know what's more out of touch. THIS or any political SNL sketch.
Thanks to Elias walking out of the ring, Ryker won the match via a count-out.
MVP playing some mind games with Kofi Kingston yet again saying that the reason why Kofi hasn't been in the WWE championship picture is that he's stuck in a tag team with Xavier Woods.
Never mind the factual bombs that MVP was spitting, Woods actually delivered a line from the Chappelle Show.
After hearing that, I pulled a Captain America from the first Avengers movie and said, "I understood that reference".
The New Day vs RK-Bro.
This tag team bout was a lot of fun. When Randall tries, he actually pulls it off greatly.
That RKO to Xavier Woods was a top tier way to end a wrestling match.
Drew McIntyre And The Viking Raiders vs AJ Styles, Omos And Bobby Lashley.
The match was set up after Bobby Lashley interfered in the match and it was a lead-in for The Viking Raiders to jump to the rescue for McIntyre.
And Drew led his team to victory by pinning the WWE champion himself, Bob Lashley.
It was okay.
So, to recap for all of you slow mofos.
Like: The New Day vs RK-Bro, Eva Marie’s persona.
Didn't like: the booking for Charlotte Flair, “Who’s Piper Niven” according to WWE, Alexa Bliss vs Nia Jax.
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