12345, Monday Night RAW still sucks me dry (that was terrible but not as bad as Gudda Gudda infamous "I got her grocery bag" line).
This show had so many tag team matches, I thought for a second that Teddy Long was running the program.
Brock Lesnar Showed up, Spoke To Paul Heyman And Then Destroyed Alpha Academy.
Headline said everything. The line of "the one streak that Brock can't compete" referring to him not ending Roman's 700-day reign at Summerslam was perfect.
As A matter of fact, that entire promo from Heyman was, no shocker, pretty good.
Damian Priest Called Rey Mysterio Old And Wanted Eddie's Son To Join The Judgment Day.
Not gonna lie, Finn Balor's promo on Rey being a bad father was the exact opposite of Heyman's promo in the opening segment.
Balor then faced "the bad father" Rey Mysterio, and it was fine.
The man with, unfortunately, the black tights won the match with the coup de grace.
No Shocker, A Becky Demands Something From A Black Woman.
That demand was a RAW women's championship at Summerslam. Eh. Speaking of which, a good old-fashioned distraction finish led to a count-out loss for Belair. White women, am I right?
Guys, the strange creepy vignettes we've been seeing since Money In The Bank are clearly alluding to the Gobbledy Gooker. Prove me wrong.
Ezekiel And AJ Styles vs The Miz And Ciampa.
It really sucks that Ciampa is essentially 2022's Tyson Tomko.
The match itself was aight and of course, it ended in some sort of f**kery aka a disqualification thanks to Ciampa breaking the count by relentlessly beating Styles.
Asuka And Alexa Bliss vs Nikki A.S.H And Doudrop.
Another okay tag team match. Bliss led her tag partner to victory by pinning her former teammate, Nikki A.S.H.
The Street Profits And R Truth vs Omos And The Usos.
This entire match was set up after both R Truth and MVP (on behalf of Omos) debated a little bit on who's the special guest referee for The Street Profits vs Usos encounter.
And the match was actually decent. This is yet another example of why Omos can't be stopped as he led his team to victory with a double chokeslam to Angelo Dawkins.
Bobby Lashley And Riddle vs Seth Rollins And Titan aka Theory.
Yet another tag team match? After the baby faces prevailed in the main event, Dolph Ziggler gave Theory a superkick which means another time that Dolph eventually takes an L again.
So, to recap for all of you slow mofos.
Like: Paul Heyman killed it on the mic as per usual.
Didn't like: So many tag team matches, is Teddy Long the new WWE official?