I haven't reviewed NXT in two weeks and holy crap, I didn't miss much at all.
This week's show was BO. RING and I'm trying to make this interesting by adding my lame a** humour and you know you f'd up when I have to rely on my jokes to make this week's NXT discussion somewhat engaging.
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Tony D'Angelo vs Dexter Lumis.
The scary white man vs The spicy white man. WHO WILL SURVIVE!?
The answer is my favourite POC wrestler currently, Tony D'Angelo (that joke will never get old).
Johnny Gargano came to check on Dexter Lumis after Camelo Hayes and Trick Williams destroyed Lumis' hand.
Minutes later, all three guys in Dunne, Gargano and Hayes announced a triple threat match for the North American championship.
Should be a good match, is all I'm going to say about that.
Odyssey Jones And Jacket Time vs The Diamond Mine.
First off, Jacket time isn't a good tag team name. It sounds like me as a 5-year-old after wearing a long black leather coat.
Before this match took place, Joe Gacy wanted to offer his assistance of some sort with the Diamond Mine. Dave Meltzer once called Joe Gacy's character, "a woke gimmick". Just wanted to point that out.
All lame banter aside, the match was okay. Odyssey Jones scored the victory for his team by pinning the cruiserweight champion. Eh.
LA Knight continues to talk about his disdain with Grayson Waller. Cool.
Cameron Grimes And Duke Hudson Poker Face-off.
Apparently, Duke can't read Grimes, can't read Grimes no, he can't read Grimes' poker face because Cameron got Duke like nobody.
Oh, and Duke kicked Grimes out of frustration. I mean, I once watched a rivalry over spilled coffee so what could go wrong with this feud? Probably nothing because I don't care about this entire thing.
Andre Chase vs Xyon Quinn.
After Quinn's victory over Andre Chase, Quinn took a beating from Legado De La Fantasma due to Quinn's rejection of joining the group I suppose because like I said in the opening piece, I haven't watched an NXT episode since the last time I reviewed the show two week back.
Kyle O'Reilly And Von Wagner vs Josh Briggs And Brooks Jensen.
This was aight. Von Wagner aka a bad recasting of Hangman Adam Page, led his tag team partner to victory.
O'Reilly is trying to relive his good old days of being in a tag team once again but Von Wagner isn't the guy I pictured when I think of Bobby Fish.
Now thinking about it, I kinda feel sorry for that white dude.
Grayson Waller spilled the tea with Lash Legend, saying that likes, followers and engagement matters more than the "boyhood dream". Well, the "likes, followers and engagement matter more" the statement explains the existence of @90sWWE.
Persia Pirotta vs Gabby Stephens And Jenna Levy.
Pirotta's impressive in-ring skills were the highlight of a yawn-inducing NXT 2.0. Pirotta wins here.
When Msk were at an airport trying to find their "shaman", I first assumed that they were joining Lince Dorado in beating the sh*t out of Cody Starbuck but I was clearly wrong (or AM I??).
Dakota Kai vs Raquel Gonzalez.
The match ended via a DQ because Toxic Attraction gave a stomping on Gonzalez. That led to all-out chaos between Toxic Attraction, Dakota Kai, Cora Jade and Io Shirai.
And you know what that means? A double steel cage match. Oh, I meant War Games and I've never felt this sense of disappointment quite like hearing the word "War Games". It's extra disappointing that my man Willy Re didn't shout "War Games".
And the final segment goes to Tommaso Ciampa's promo that sounded like your uncle uttering the word "hipster" with anything new.
By the time this scene was done, I legit fell asleep for 3 hours. NXT is Wednesday Night RAW minus Corey Graves.
So, to recap for all of you slow mofos.
Like: Persia Pirotta is kinda good in the ring?
Didn't like: doesn't it count when I say pretty much everything?