Did the second and final night deliver or was it a stinker like the RAWs of 2021? It started off hot but it dragged on to the point where I yawned harder than a lion in a national geography documentary (keep in mind, I slept for 9 hours yesterday).
Triple H opened night 2 of Wrestlemania and for a sec, my clearly intelligent petersonian brain thought, "is he gonna wrestle?" There's a reason why I'm a f**king nobody.
RKBRO vs Alpha Academy vs The Street Profits For The RAW Tag Team Championship.
This opening match ruled harder than any emperor in Game Of Thrones or something. After many near falls from all three teams, the current tag team champions get to keep the titles with an RKO from mid-air to Chad Gable.
RKBRO and The Street Profits wanted Gabe Stevenson to join in the fun but fellow Olympian, Chad Gable ruined the entire process and was like, "ah, no THANK YOUUUUUUU!"
So, Gable was tossed out by the man they call Gabe.
Am I the only one who isn't too high on Gabe Stevenson? My man has been hyped up in several months than Dolph Ziggler has been throughout his career.
Will see what he brings to the table on the red brand but for now, I really don't care about this guy just because he has a gold medal.
Bobby Lashley vs Omos.
All I can say is, it was a match. And to my surprise, the almighty Bob defeated the big man with the spear.
That finish was so sudden, it made you question what was the point of protecting Omos for a year now. It's WWE after all, nothing makes sense around here.
Johnny Knoxville vs Sami Zayn In An Anything Goes Match.
I went from cringing at the thought of this match to laughing hysterically throughout the entire match. It's like watching an Adam Sandler comedy in the sense that you don't want to admit that it's funny even though it is.
Pat McAfee's commentary made this match even funnier. Johnny Knoxville defeated Sami Zayn thanks to a huge mousetrap.
Sasha Banks And Naomi vs Liv Morgan And Rhea Ripley vs Natalya And Shayna Baszler vs Queen Zelina Vega And Carmella For The WWE Women's Tag Team Championship.
Liv Morgan dressed as Catwoman from the Catwoman movie. A film I desperately want to forget since it was a movie so bad, it's probably because they had 20 different writers, you know, like the WWE creative team.
To the shock and awe of no one, the team of Sasha Banks and Naomi became the women's tag team champions with an electric chair drop into a code breaker of sorts which looked cool not gonna lie.
AJ Styles vs Edge.
A match that every mark like myself was looking forward to and yet, it was WAY too slow and downright boring for ya boy.
Yes, people. I live in a world where Johnny Knoxville had a better match than Edge and AJ Styles.
This ain't a WWE match without a distraction finish as Damian Priest distracted AJ Styles so that the Rated R superstar could hit the spear from mid-air.
The match may suck but that alliance between Edge and Damian Priest? I'm digging it.
The New Day vs Ridge Holland And Sheamus.
At least it was short. The team of Ridge Holland and Sheamus defeated the New Day thanks to the big bruf hitting the Northern Grit to Xavier Woods.
Pat McAfee vs Austin Theory.
Michael Cole channelled his inner 2003 self because damn, that guy is sorely missed.
You know Pat McAfee is a great sh*t talker when he's commentating while he's beating the pedo out of Austin Theory at the same time. Gotta love it.
And you bet I LOOOOOOOVE when McAfee won the match by reversing the A-Town Down into a roll-up aka the most protected move in wrestling today.
But.......
Vince McMahon was like, "Nah, I don't like this. So, I'm going to wrestle you" and that's exactly what happened. To which ya boy screamed, "PISS BREAK!"
To add insult to injury, McMahon then kicked McAfee with a ball to win the match.
However, Steve Austin came to the rescue and delivered a stunner to both McMahon, Theory and later, McAfee.
McMahon or even Steve Austin for that matter didn't add anything to this scene (Speaking of which, that stunner from Stone Cold to Vince was just all kinds of constipated inducing sh*t).
You can clearly tell they were filling time because the second half of the entire thing was one big waste of time.
Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar For Both The WWE And The Universal Championship.
The third Wrestlemania main event between the tribal chief and the beast incarnate and it was fine.
Just like his Shield brother Seth Rollins 3 years ago, Roman Reigns slayed the beast at Wrestlemania to win both the universal and WWE championship.
Is this a way for the brand split to officially end later down the line once and for all?
Where does the unified title scene go from here? To use a cliche answer, "will see what happens"
So, to recap for all of you slow mofos.
Like: Stan Pat McAfee forever, Johnny Knoxville vs Sami Zayn, the RAW tag team championship triple threat match.
Didn't like: Omos losing made his entire arc of not losing kinda meaningless, AJ Styles vs Edge kinda sucked, the whole Pat McAfee, Austin Theory, Vince McMahon, Steve Austin segment dragged on.